hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
