Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
