Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
