Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
