so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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