where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This girl is more easily done than said...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
