I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize