I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
