He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
