Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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