o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
