i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
PANTIES FOUND
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