I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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