Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
