Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
