I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
