about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
