Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
