You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
