Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
