fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
