You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
