3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
