I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
