I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
