just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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