tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
