Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
