it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
