i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
