NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
