man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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