you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
