the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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