Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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