I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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