Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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