She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I cut my penus on the lid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
