I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
