their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
