I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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