If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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