i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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