flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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