its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
