i may or may not be watching the land before time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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