Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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