I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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