for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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