we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
