I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
