This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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