so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
two words...techno handjob
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think a kid would responsible me up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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