i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
