the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ladies don't puke and tell
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
