i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
