dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
