Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
