so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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