I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
