My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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