Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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