Porn is love you can see.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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