Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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