Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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