Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My room smells like vodka and shame
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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