You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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