Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
