Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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