It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
