I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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