reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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