haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
