Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
