i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
