Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
