currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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