dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
