I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
