Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
